When the Unkind Kid Is in Your Child's Class Again

You saw the class list and your heart sank a little.

That kid is in your child's class again. The one who was not kind to yours last year. The eye rolls, the whispering, the comments that made the lunch table feel like a place your child had to survive instead of enjoy. Another whole school year of the same kid, the same room, the same knot in your kid's stomach on Sunday night.

This is not always bullying. Sometimes it is something quieter and harder to name: a kid who is just not nice to yours, day after day. There is no single big moment to report, only a steady drip of small ones. And because it is not dramatic, it can be the hardest thing to know how to help with.

Here is the good news. You do not have to fix this kid. You get to walk your own kid through it, and Jesus already gave us the playbook.

Start by believing them

Before any Bible verse, your child needs to know you are on their side. "That sounds really hard" does more than any advice you could give in the first five minutes. Kids who feel believed will keep talking to you all year. Kids who feel corrected or rushed will stop telling you things.

Ask what it actually looks like. Is it comments? Being left out? Looks and laughing? Knowing the specifics helps you tell the difference between a hard relationship and something that needs an adult to step in.

Give them Jesus' words, not just ours

Jesus said something that sounds almost impossible to a nine-year-old: "Love your enemies, do what is good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you" (Luke 6:27-28).

Notice what He did not say. He did not say, "Pretend it does not hurt." He did not say, "Let them treat you however they want." He said love, do good, bless, and pray. Those are all things your child gets to choose, no matter what the other kid chooses.

That is the gift in this verse for a kid who feels powerless. They cannot control the kid across the room. They can control who they are going to be.

Pray for that kid together

If there is one thing that changes this situation from the inside out, it is praying for the unkind kid by name. Not "God, make them stop," but "God, bless them. Help them have a good day. Show them You love them."

Do it in the car on the way to school. Do it at bedtime. Keep it short and keep it going. Something happens in a child's heart when they pray for someone week after week. The hurt does not always disappear, but it stops being in charge. And sometimes you will find out that the kid who is hardest to be around is carrying something heavy at home.

Kind is not the same as a doormat

Loving someone who is unkind does not mean your child has to sit next to them, be their best friend, or take whatever they dish out. Paul put it this way: "If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone" (Romans 12:18). As far as it depends on you. Your child is responsible for their own part, not the other kid's.

Help them practice a few simple things:

• A calm, short answer: "That's not kind," and walking away.
• Finding their people. One good friend in the room changes everything.
• Being kind anyway, without needing the other kid to be kind back.

Know when it is more than unkind

If it moves into threats, physical stuff, a group ganging up, or your child dreading school every single day, that is bullying, and it is time to bring in the teacher and the school. Praying for someone and protecting your child are not opposites. You can do both. We wrote more about that in When Your Kid Is Being Treated Badly and You're Not There, and the episode What Should I Do If I'm Being Bullied? walks your kid through real options.

A whole year is a long time, and that is okay

You are not trying to solve this by October. You are raising a kid who learns, one hard day at a time, that Jesus is with them in that classroom and that kindness is something they can keep choosing. That lesson will outlast this school year by a lot.

And who knows? A year of prayers from the kid they were unkind to might be exactly what God uses in their life too.

Talk it over

Press play with your kids this week. These episodes go straight to the heart of what we just talked about.

Be Kind Even When It's Hard: Loving the One Who's Not Kind to You (Luke 6:27). The conversation above in your kid's language, made for the child with a classmate who just is not nice to them.

Psalm 9:13 for Kids: When Someone Is Unkind to You (Psalm 9:13). A calm bedtime episode for the nights after a hard day, handing the sting of it to God before sleep.

Seventy Times Seven: Stop Counting, Start Forgiving (Matthew 18:22). For when it has been going on so long that forgiving one more time feels impossible.

For CWJ+ members, two more that fit right alongside: Why Do I Have to Forgive Someone If They're Never Even Sorry? and Psalm 9:15 for Kids: Kindness Comes Back Around.